Thinking About Thinking

Rene Descartes gave us the famous aphorism, “I think; therefore I am,” but your thoughts do more than prove that you exist.  They also help determine how you exist, including whether you succeed or fail as a leader.  Many people believe that their thoughts are like wild animals, beyond their ability to control. But thoughts can, in fact, be managed and must be managed in order to succeed as a leader.

Noam Shpancer, Ph.D., gives some helpful recommendations about how to get rid of ineffective habits of mind, or what  Albert Ellis called “irrational beliefs.”  To enact thought management, Shpancer recommends you begin by becoming aware of how you talk to yourself and what stories you tell.  Bad habits of mind to look out for include:

·         All or nothing thinking:  “If I don’t succeed 100%, I’m a total failure.”  The reality is, no there are many degrees within any dichotomy, whether it’s success or failure, good or bad, happy or sad, and so on.  Focusing only on the poles is misleading.

·         Mind reading:  “I know exactly what you’re thinking.”  The reality is you are not psychic and never know exactly what others are thinking.  They’re probably thinking about lunch.

·         Catastrophyzing, also known as “awfulizing”:  “If X doesn’t happen – or Y does happen – my life as I know it is over.”  Things happen or don’t happen every day of your life and you’ve survived, and even thrived, so far.  You can handle it.

·         Overgeneralization:  “I’ve been let down by three co-workers, so all my co-workers care undependable.”  Everyone is unique and making overgeneralized assumptions can lead to the dreaded self-fulfilling prophecy.

·         “Should” and “must”: “I must have a child to be happy.  I should want to move up in my career.”  (Cheeky Albert Ellis called this “shoulding all over yourself” and “musterbating.”)  The reality?  It’s normal to want things, but telling yourself that those things determine your entire future happiness is a fool-proof (or is fool-ful?) recipe for failure.   

After becoming aware of these bad thinking habits, the next step is to, as Shpancer recommends, “understand that thoughts are not facts but hypotheses.”  Read that part again.  Thoughts are deceptive because they often seem so true, but your first thought about anything may or may not be accurate or even what you want.  To get to that best thought, the final step is to consider possible alternatives and choose the one that is best supported by evidence.  Shpancer helpfully compares this to buying shoes:  You don’t walk into a store and immediately purchase the first thing you see.  You look around, consider options, think about your preferences and the cost, then you make a decision.  

You already do this kind of thought choosing now.  If a loved one makes you really angry, do you go with your first thought, which may involve doing something you regret (frying pan, cranium, etc.)?  No.  You don’t.  You probably take a moment and think out the best way to proceed, or at least the way that won’t land you in court.  Managing your thoughts is really just about taking that same “stop and think” habit and expanding it into all parts of your thinking, not just those with potentially life-changing consequences.

The process described above may feel uncomfortable at first if you are not used to doing it, but cultivating this thought awareness – fancy term: metacognition -- and replacing bad mental habits becomes…well, a habit once you begin doing it, and it’s a habit will pay you many dividends.