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Normally, we address positive aspects of leadership in this blog. Leadership, however, is sometimes toxic and
last week we learned about the suicidal version. This week’s blog builds on last week’s post,
describing what to do if you work with a toxic supervisor.
Many of these suggestions will work with a toxic leader but the first
thing to do is know your leader. Some of the suggestions below would work well
with a toxic person and some would only cause the behaviors to intensify. Watch how the person reacts in various
situations in which he is challenged and gauge how to respond.
The suggestions below are taken from two articles, which can be found here
and here. One of the authors, Robert Sutton, has
written a lot on this topic, if you have a deeper interest.
- Identify exactly what the problem behaviors are. It’s important that you be able to articulate this. Does the person belittle you? Humiliate you? Undermine and sabotage? Identifying the specific behaviors with examples is important.
- Document the behaviors. Write down the dates, times, and details of the behaviors. If there were witnesses, write that down, too. You may believe you will never take legal action or think that you’ll remember everything vividly but it’s important to have a log.
- If safe to do so, enlist others. If you are not the only target, quietly compare notes with others and encourage them to document the behaviors. Any action, either internal to your organization or external, will be strengthened if there are multiple accounts of the same behavior. Do not use the time to simply bash the toxic person or start your own passive-aggressive campaign against him. Don’t let the toxic person pull you down to her level.
- If safe to do so, politely confront the behavior. Talk directly with the person about what you are experiencing, how you’d like it to be different, and directly ask for it to stop. It’s vital that you stay 100% professional during this conversation, and document it, too.
- Limit your contact with the person. Keep meetings, if you must have them, short and don’t give the person any ammunition in the form of information about you personally. Be polite but avoid the person as much as possible.
- Develop coping mechanisms. Develop the ability (and it takes practice) to be indifferent and emotionally detached until the problem can be solved. If you feel powerless or trapped, write down what you like about your job and put the toxic behavior in that context. Toxic behavior is contagious, so don’t internalize what’s being done to you and let it change who you are. Try to laugh at the situation. If you are receiving, for example, belittling comments or looks, try to see them as pathetic or not to be taken seriously. Even if you can’t say it out loud, adapt a “Really? Dirty looks? What are we, five?” attitude.
- Ask for help. After you’ve created a log of the behaviors, talk to your HR department or other advocate who may be able to stop the behavior. If others have also documented the behavior, go together.
- Develop an exit strategy. It’s the most basic of advice, but leaving for another job solves the problem with 100% certainty. Just the act of planning your departure is empowering. Make sure you develop a professional, short explanation for why you are leaving, because others will ask. “It wasn’t a good fit” is a great fig leaf that covers a lot of things.
- Take legal action if needed, but only as a last resort and with an understanding of the risks. Being a toxic boss often isn’t illegal or even against your workplace’s policies, depending on what form it takes, and legal action takes a long time to resolve. In the meantime, you may begin having physical or emotional symptoms from the stress, so escape is usually best if other strategies don’t work.
- Ask for help, part two. If you find yourself changing – becoming angry or depressed – or if others note this behavior in you, take care of yourself by eating right, exercising, and getting professional help. Never let yourself feel so trapped that you consider actions that are outside your character. No job is worth your health or your future.
